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Liturgy: Marriage

 

From the Guru Granth Sahib 69

Friends have come to my home.
The True Lord's favour has brought us together.
To confirm a union of that is always pleasing to God.
It is in this union of hearts that the seeds of tranquility lie
When this heart´s desire has been obtained then the mind becomes satisfied.
Today our home is made beauteous.
It rings with music and with soundless sound for friends who have entered my home.

Mansukhani, G. S. (1994), Hymns from the Guru Granth Sahib, New Delhi: Hemkunt Press, 161.

 

Above us are the stars
Below us the stones;
As time passes
We remember:
That our love should be as constant as the star
That our love should be as firm as the stone;
Let our human family be close together and understanding;
Let us have patience through the storms - for storms will come but go quickly;
Let us be warm and affectionate with one another,
Without fear and misdirection by the unenlightened,
For the goddess in us will flower within us
Now and for always.

(After Slater (1978), A Book of Pagan Rituals, 45.)

 

Complete Pagan Wedding

Note that [N1] and [N2] may be male and male, female and female or female and male. The space is laid out with chakhra stones at Feet, Sexual, Heart, Throat, Mind And Spiritual positions as though along a human body. The Heart Chakhra has an alter arrangement of earth (north), air (east), fire (south) and water (west) around which the couple can move.

Faith and spirituality are important to us, and today [N2] and [N1] publically affirm their relationship in a spiritual service of marriage. [N2] and [N1] were recently legally married in a register office, but today they marry according to the rites of this faith.

This faith is Pagan, a tradition which stretches back to olden times, but was revived in the nineteenth and early twentieth century as a consequence of increasing religious freedom. Thinkers, writers and practitioners have created spiritual resources for Pagans, and we are drawing on this reinvented tradition today.

Robe

Let the wedding begin!

Pause. The bridegroom or one partner comes from one corner, with any other supporters as agreed. One supporter has the cord concealed on his person for later tying. They go to one of the feet chakhras. From another corner, the bride or the other partner begins his/ her procession accompanied by supporters as agreed. The bride comes to the feet chakhra. All the supporters may sit down for the time being, and will be called back later in the ceremony.

We can begin! [N1] and [N2], you are at the Feet Chakhra, still some distance apart.

The Gods, spirits and faeries form patterns of dance around us, the gods are in all life around us. Male and female are we and male and female are everywhere, male and female are the gods. Lift up your faces, look around, the light of love shines upon our ways; walk into love: love is all around and love indwells in relationships.

Marriage is a walk, it is a journey. It is a journey together. We see something of the route ahead, but we never quite know what is around the corner. A marriage is a commitment to turn that corner, and the next, together.

You two are choosing to walk together and walk intimately. You shall come together. Everything in nature, everything around, comes together; everything is in a cycle of lovemaking and making new, and today you, [N1] and [N2], symbolically declare your lovemaking in this your marriage ceremony.

Marriage is one setting in which to make love and continue humankind, where children are lovingly raised towards full maturity. No one should enter into marriage lightly, and the vows to be made today are personal, public and serious.

And so, if you wish, and without objection, walk freely into marriage, [N1] and [N2]. Come forward from the Feet Chakhra, and walk into the Sexual Chakhra and come closer together.

Pause

[N1] and [N2] seal your hearts and bodies together, for love is as certain as death and passion is as fierce as the fire. This fire cannot be quenched by water, neither can floods drown it. Because water, the fluid we drink, and which the earth drinks, lubricates life. And air will not blow this fire away, for this air feeds the fire. And earth will not smother it, for this earth is its support and its fuel.

Love is patient, love is kind; love envies no one, love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor ever selfish: there is nothing love cannot face. Sex is energy, sex is interchange, the way we pass love to one another; it is the very vitality of the creative expanding universe. It is indeed making love.

As a sign of your love, kiss one another in an embrace.

They kiss. Pause for this.

Come now to the Heart Chakhra, for a heartfelt and deeply loving ceremony of dedication to one another with earth, air, fire and water.

Pause

The air represents for us the dry wind from the east; the fire is the hot wind from the south; the water is the wet wind from the west and the earth is the cold wind from the north. These are the four elements as we experience them in Britain, and these are the basis of our dedication ceremony before we come to the vows.

Each of you grasp a pebble at the north.

Without earth we have no firm foundation, but everything is of the earth. We are the material and substance of life. We need earth on which to stand, to contain water, to hold fire and to breathe the air. So say after me together:

We are of the earth;
We are of the earth;

The earth is from where we came
The earth is from where we came

And the earth is our end.
And the earth is our end.

Our bodies are earth themselves
Our bodies are earth themselves

And the earth comes to life.
And the earth comes to life.

[N2], say to [N1]: My earth-body is for you.
[N2]: My earth-body is for you.

[N1], say to [N2]: My earth-body is for you.
[N1]: My earth-body is for you.

Put down the pebbles. Both of you, take the symbol of air and each of you raise it up.

Air is the spirit of life. Everything in the Universe comes from gas, and it sustains the universe, and without what makes the air we cannot have water, no fire can burn and the earth cannot be alive. So say after me, together.

Air is the spirit of life:
Air is the spirit of life:

Air is without and within:
Air is without and within:

Air comes to us
Air comes to us

And air penetrates into us.
And air penetrates into us

[N1], say to [N2]: Breathe your spirit into me, so I may share you in my soul.
[N1]: Breathe your spirit into me, so I may share you in my soul.

[N2], say to [N1]: Breathe your spirit into me, so I may share you in my soul.
[N2]: Breathe your spirit into me, so I may share you in my soul.

Both of you, take the symbol of lit fire in the south. Fire burns, fire destroys and fire renews. Without destruction, there is no recreation, death and life are bound together. Fire is energy, and without energy there is no matter of the earth, or air, or water. Fire is passionate, and love fuels the fire of passion.

Say after me, together:

We are on fire!
We are on fire!

Our fires burn with energy and passion!
Our fires burn with energy and passion!

Our fires we shall join into one fire
Our fires we shall join into one fire

Burning for one another.
Burning for one another.

[N1], say to [N2]: My passion, my heat, is my fire for you.
[N1]: My passion, my heat, is my fire for you.

[N2], say to [N1]: My passion, my heat, is my fire for you.
[N2]: My passion, my heat, is my fire for you.

Dip your fingers, both of you, into the water in the west. Each of you touch the other's lip with your wet fingers.

Water is the giver of life. Without water, earth is dead. Without water, nothing can be made to be set on fire. Without water, air cannot be used. Water is the lubricant of all. Water is the fluid, the fluid that is vital as a container for the beginning of new life.

Say after me, together:

Water is the giver of life:
Water is the giver of life:

Water holds life within itself,
Water holds life within itself,

And everywhere it flows, water refreshes.
And everywhere it flows, water refreshes.

[N1 or N2 or both together say]: My liquid flows to you.
[N1, N2 or both]: My liquid flows to you.

[N1 or N2 or both together say]: My liquid receives you.
[N2, N1 or both]: My liquid receives you.

We move on now towards the heart of the marriage ceremony, where first of all each declares their intention to be married after which they can be married. Come with me first of all to the Throat Chakhra, where each of you intelligently and in full knowledge and awareness declares your coming together as one.

Pause

Communication is all important in marriage. Face one another. Each of you place your hand under your own mouth with the fingers together outwards.

In marriage, speak to one another carefully. When you speak, speak courteously. Speak with an economy of words and an honesty of words, in moderate tones and volume, whilst keeping in mind the sensitivities of the other. Do not nag, either of you; do not go on and on. Speak truthfully, but diplomatically. Never be louder than you need to be, instead speak sweetly, always negotiate and do not impose. And in those personal moments of intimacy, ask: do not assume, for the secret of a good relationship is ongoing consent - but do say what you want. Unless you say, your partner cannot listen and cannot give.

Communication is all important in marriage. Each of you place your hands behind your own ears.

In marriage, listen to one another carefully. Do not just hear them - listen! Ask yourself first what the other is really saying. Be very attentive, because what they say may be very important. Give the other person your time. Listen too for those relationship needs. Your partner has very special needs, so listen carefully and be prepared to speak lovingly back and give.

Communication is all important in marriage. Each of you look into one another's eyes and cup your hands to shield away all others.

In marriage, see one another carefully. What does the other face show? Read its brightness, its happiness, its sadness, its boredom, its anger. You two people will be intimate with one another: you will see what no other may see. Take in the beauty of the other, appreciate the sight and be glad.

Communication is all important in marriage. Each of you come closer and place your hand upon the other.

In marriage, touch one another carefully. Do not forget to touch one another regularly. Hold hands, rest a hand upon the other's shoulder. When sitting and relaxing, come together and touch. Feel the warmth of the other. Do not forget to hold one another in times of need. You two people will be intimate with one another: you will touch what no other may feel and touch with what no one else may use. Take in the beauty of the other's flesh, the curves and angles, the secret places, and learn to touch well to generate the delicate and great feelings that express themselves into love.

Communication is all important in marriage. And now you may come to communicate the declaration of union. Doing this freely and clear in mind, come to the Mind Chakhra. Can the children and the best person please come too standing at the sides of those you support.

Pause while they come. The couple face the celebrant, able to turn to one another. The best person is one the outside position of the bridegroom and the children on the outside position of the bride.

Whilst staying as individuals, each of you now fuses yourself with the other in this declaration of union.

[N1], I ask you:

Do you love this person, and want to marry your partner, so that you may fully receive and give in love, and, being within the passionate cycle of all life, share in the good times and the bad times with each other?

Say: I love and want to marry this person.

[N1]: I love and want to marry this person.

[N2], I ask you:

Do you love this person, and want to marry your partner, so that you may fully receive and give in love, and, being within the passionate cycle of all life, share in the good times and the bad times with each other?

Say: I love and want to marry this person.

[N2]: I love and want to marry this person.

Then I shall marry you both together!

[N2]. Of your own free choice, will you take this person to be your marriage partner; to love, comfort, honour and protect this person, and, forsaking all others, be faithful for as long as you both shall live?

[N2]: I will.

[N1]. Of your own free choice, will you take this person to be your marriage partner; to love, comfort, honour and protect this person, and, forsaking all others, be faithful for as long as you both shall live?

[N1]: I will.

Then everyone come with me to the Spirit Chakhra where you will be joined together.

Pause

With this blood red cord, the best one shall bind [N2] and [N1] together in pure spirit. Though they remain as individuals, they will joined. [N2], straighten your middle finger and place it between [N1]'s first and middle finger, and then both of you twist those fingers towards the best person for tying. Let everyone here see the tying clearly.

The best person binds them.

With this binding, I now pronounce you married. Bound by the cord, now you two pronounce your marriage to the world with a passionate kiss, both physical and the kiss of the spirit.

With this kiss, you are now bound together, and are permitted to untie the cord after this ceremony is closed. But when you untie this, remember that you are no longer unbound from one another, because now your connection between you is sealed in pure spirit; and: in your minds, and communicating, and hearts and walking together, you are committed, for as long as you both shall live.

The children and best person can return to their seats. [N1] and [N2], please face the congregation.

Pause

Ladies and gentlemen. The two people here, [N1] and [N2], have affirmed to us their unity together. May we wish them both health, wealth and passion in their future lives together. May the gods all around look upon them and bless them, and let them live beautiful lives.

Above us are the stars,
Below us are the stones,
So as time does pass: - and everyone now repeat after me and say to them:

Like a star let your love shine constantly!
Like a star let your love shine constantly!

Like a stone make your love firm.
Like a stone make your love firm.

Possess one another,
Possess one another,

Yet be understanding;
Yet be understanding;

Have patience with one another,
Have patience with one another,

For storms will pass;
For storms will pass;

Give affection and warmth
Give affection and warmth

And make love often!
And make love often!

Turn to [N2] and [N1].

Have no fear, and let not the unenlightened give you unease.

Turn to the crowd.

May they and all of us be blessed,
For the god and goddess are within us all
Now and always.
Blessed be!

[N2] and [N1], be with one another;
Be close: the time is yours, alone, and go!
Blessed be!
The marriage ceremony is ended!
Blessed be!

The married couple hold hands and leave together. The celebrant disrobes at a suitable point once they have gone.